Working on
Procrastination

Me: A Selfish Work in Progress - By Andrea Connell

July 17, 2010 - I believe in being the best you can be. It isn’t always easy, sometimes we end up on a slippery slope no matter what, sometimes, one too many glasses of wine can blur the line between smart and not so smart, sometimes our deep-seated crap just gets in the way. But I try anyway.

I realize that I am a work in progress so I cut myself some slack but I still try to be aware and honest with myself; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Even still, I am not always committed to doing what is best for me. I don't exercise enough for example, though I know how important it is. I drink way too much coffee even though I know that my system is too acidic and coffee only makes that worse. I already mentioned the wine thing, I could lose a few pounds (OK several), I stay up too late at night - every night, thinking, reading, writing - old habits. So although I am conscious about my habits and behaviors and I have my reasons (not always good ones I'll admit) is it because I am not committed to my best life?

I've come to realize that my best life means I live fairly selfishly, for my own best interests. Doesn’t sound good, does it? I don't always think of others first. I'm no goody two-shoes, no wilting violet and certainly no spiritual martyr, but I completely understand and cherish the value of living your best life. We come into this world alone and we'll go out alone. It's up to me to have the life I want. Over the years I've consciously created my own code of living a good life. It suits me, it serves me and it's admittedly selfish. So I did some personal investigating into who I am and how I behave. I do this periodically to refocus, realign my mind with my heart, and repair all that ain't working! So here it goes...

I selfishly try to live with kindness and compassion, towards my self and others. It's easier on me than living with suspicion and resentment; a lot less stress. I don't always get it right but I try!

I selfishly try to avoid spin cycles. I hate feeling dizzy and out of control.People love their drama, seeing and experiencing injustices and transgressions everywhere they turn. This is dead end thinking and I want to live. On those occasions when I find myself involved in one I stomp my feet,get real, ground and try to step out of it quickly.

I selfishly exercise my right to speak my truth and behave authentically and I fully expect others to do the same. Life’s too short to waste time dealing with lies, and hurt feelings, so I always look for the bigger picture. I try to respect others and their ways and choose to not get involved if I don’t like it.

I selfishly try to live without anger, resentment and worry. I don't use words to hurt people deliberately, sometimes it happens anyway but never intentionally. I don’t call people derogatory names – it takes away from my soul if I do. Worry just eats up good energy. I need all my energy to do other things I like to do.

I don't hold grudges! It makes me feel sticky and gross. I speak (sometimes shout loudly) my piece, let it go and move on!

I selfishly choose to live with a minimum of quarrel and disappointment. I won't engage with quarrelsome thinking I know that's irritating to some people at times. When I feel disappointment I think about something I did really well and move on. I look for the positive whenever I can; I can be a real pain that way.

I refuse to get embarrassed for the actions of my children, friends, family or acquaintances or make excuses for them. Everyone is accountable for themselves and must face the consequences of their actions and behavior themselves. I will govern myself accordingly and expect others to.

I don't do things I don't want to. I selfishly find value in everything I put my hand to before I begin and so I don't encounter regret very often.

I keep my attention focused in the now as much as possible and selfishly endeavor to enjoy myself in all my relationships and all my tasks as I'm doing them.

I avoid unreasonable self-expectations and applaud my successes when I have them. I have learned to never wait for approval from others to feel good about myself. When I get it though I am grateful to be able to share my success with others who can appreciate it.

I laugh a lot, everyday! I selfishly and unabashedly look for things to laugh at, because I want to. I don't wait for others to make me happy. I even throw myself birthday parties! I selfishly celebrate at every chance I get!

I never expect people to disappoint me; I give them every opportunity to make me glad I know them.

I never tell people I love them unless I truly do. I never hug anyone I don't want to. I selfishly give long hugs every chance I get just 'cause they make me feel good!

I connect with people because I want to; and I listen to their stories because I'm interested. I insist on meaningful relationships as often as possible because I hate wasting my time in superficial nonsense. I try hard to remember people's names and use them when I address them because I like it when people remember and say my name!

I try to say "YES" to as much as possible, if it is in my power to give, do, help, attend, go, create, or be, I WILL! My life is enhanced by it. Besides, life is never created in the expression of "NO"

OK, so upon review, maybe I'm a little more committed to living my best life than I thought, I'm certainly more selfish than I realized but still there's always more I can do...and I say YES to that! I also get that me, selfishly working on me, is the best for everyone. Generally speaking we are all more the same than we are different, so if it makes me feel good, chance are it will simultaneously make another feel good. Stupid is as stupid does, happy is as happy does and like attracts like!
Just on a side note though…cutting down on coffee makes me crabby and that can't be good for anyone so maybe I'll selfishly keep on as I am for awhile...I'll see how the weekend goes!